The Other Path: Encountering Darkness
by Ashenlo Chaos Redemption
Summary: What happened to Riku when the Destiny Islands were destroyed? Did he meet Ansem, Maleficent, and Bob? Maybe... in this humorous tale centered on everyone's favorite teen with white hair and more than enough angst to go around: Riku!
1. A Promise

**A Promise**

"You promise you'll get me off this island?" Riku asked, standing at the seashore. The waves crashed against the sand with a ravenous intensity.

"We promise," the voice responded. Its dark, melodious tones echoed across the beach, radiating from no particular source. Luckily, all the others had returned home. There were no witnesses to wonder whether Riku had gone insane and picked up ventriloquism or some more sinister form of insanity. "Little do you know, young fool. Mha ha ha!"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I thought I heard you laugh maliciously."

"No, we didn't."

"I _heard_ you."

"We were just thinking of the pathetic others that would be stranded here on these godforsaken islands. Poor Riku," the voice crooned, "to have been stuck here for so long. But fear no more. You will see the other worlds and sights even you had not dreamed of."

"Yeah… But are you sure I have to leave Sora and Kairi?"

"Those losers-uh, we mean, those _children_? They are such _children_, Riku. They had no desire to visit other worlds; no initiative to even leave this island without your leadership. You are much better off without them."

"Yes… I _guess_ you're right," Riku murmured, lifting his head. "Very well then, I'm ready to go."

"Excellent! We just have to wait for the most auspicious-"

"Riku!" a new mysterious voice cried.

"What was that?" Riku asked with surprise. He looked around him for the source, but the beach was as deserted as a health club. He glanced over at the secret cave, but not even Sora was there to tease him.

"We didn't hear anything."

"It was a strange, squeaky voice, calling out my name."

"The salt air must be getting to you, Riku. No one's here but us."

"Riku! Don't go!" the squeaky voice cried from behind.

"There it was again! Where's it coming from?"

"Riku, I'm mph mphth-"

"I'm sure you're imagining things, Riku," the familiar voice assured him. "Shut up, you stupid key!"

"Did you say something?"

"Umm… yes, we think it would be best if you return tonight. We'll be able to make true contact and carry you off this island."

"Good. I'll see you then." With one final suspicious look around, he shrugged his shoulders and headed off to the docks.

"Riku! Wait!"

"It's no use, you dumb key. We won't let you interfere with such a delectable victim, uh, we mean, brainless future soldier. He wants off this island, and we just so happen to have a way."

"But I can get him off this island, too. Isn't it better that way?"

"Do you honestly think we're daft enough to give a damn about your quest and that fool's well-being? We're out for our own interests here. Take your recruit fund elsewhere. We got here first."

"But he's the _one_."

"Well, you can't have him. We have dibs. And you can't have his gloves either."

"Could you help me out just a little here, please? I have to find somebody."

"Well, you could go- hey! Scratch that! We're not helping you; you're our enemy! You're fighting all the hard work we're doing destroying this place. You can look elsewhere for help. So there!" The speaker stuck its tongue out immaturely.

"Well, fine! I don't need you anyway! I'll find my own master! Your butts are _so _toast! You'll rue this day, mark my words!"

"Go on; go then! Find your stupid master! You'll still be little more than a second-rate scrap of metal!"

"Not if I get to Riku first! You don't have dibs until you get him! Nah nah nah nah nah!"

"That's cheating! You're supposed to be for the side of good here!"

"Fight fire with fire, morons!"

* * *

Author's Kinda Long Note: Yeah… my very first- well, not _very_ first, but close enough- fanfic ever! It all started when I told my friend about Riku's outfit o' evil that he wears later in the game… not knowing how to describe it, it became known as Riku's grass skirt. Thus, this product of a deranged mind was born! So… anyway, just thank your lucky stars that Disney and Square Enix own Kingdom Hearts and all its characters and not me… despite how much I might try to convince myself otherwise… This is just _my_ slightly bizarre idea of what _might_ have happened to Riku. I don't care if that's not what really happened or if the parts that did actually happen are even using the words used in the game. Just to forestall any flames, I **am** a fan of the entire Kingdom Hearts Series, with Axel brandishing my heart like a ring on his little finger. I love Riku, too, and, although I am not that excited about Sora's character in Kingdom Hearts 1, I completely love him in the second one (not CoM). Let me know what you think… and thanks for taking the time out of your day to read all of these scrambled and weird thoughts I've compiled into a story. I appreciate it! Even if you didn't chuckle once…


	2. An Escape

**An Escape**

"Are you ready, Riku?" the voice asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes. Let's go," he breathed. The night was pitch black around him, thick with mystery and menace.

"Walk into the water then. We can reach you from there."

"Alright." He stepped into the water, his pants clinging and weighing down with the wetness.

"Riku! Wait!" that anonymous voice from earlier yelled desperately.

"What?" He turned around to face the beach. In the distant darkness, he could make out the faint outline of some shiny, floating, metallic thing. "What the heck is that?"

"Umm… a trick of the light, we guess."

"It's completely dark out here. Where would light be coming from?"

"Riku, don't go into the water! The darkness will ruin your life!"

"It's promised to take me away from this island!" he yelled.

"I can take you away, too! But I won't make you a slave when you leave!"

"What? Is that true? Were you going to make me a slave?"

"Now who said anything about that? But, now that you mention it…"

"I'm never going to be anyone's slave! Consider our deal off. I'm going with that thing."

"Ha ha ha! It's too late, foolish Riku! You're deep enough in the water! You're coming whether you like it or not!"

"Fight it, Riku! I'm the Keyblade! I'm meant for you!"

"Shut up, stupid key! There's no hope for him now!" the voice cackled. A bizarre light erupted around the beach, comprised of purples, black, and some white. A sort of whirlpool formed beneath him with surprising strength. It pulled him slowly and inevitably into it despite his best struggling efforts.

"Riku!" Sora's voice rang throughout the area. Riku paused in his labors to glance back at the beach. Sora was standing numbly on the sand, watching his forlorn resistance.

"Sora," Riku mumbled breathlessly. He reached out a hand to his best friend, hoping for some aid with his predicament. His oceanic eyes blazed keenly into the younger boy's blue eyes with an intensity that made Sora pause. "Sora."

At this, the other stumbled forward, reaching out for Riku's hand. However, the darkness realized the slight chance Riku still had for escape. It pulled the water about furiously and intensified its grip on its victim. Effectively accomplished, Sora staggered through the water too slowly, missing Riku's hand, as the whirlpool sucked the white-haired boy into the darkness.

"Darn it!" the Keyblade griped. "So much for my true master… Oh well, I might as well take this idiot here as any."


	3. Darkness’s Attempt

**Darkness's Attempt**

"Riku… Riku…" the darkness called with echoing whispers. "Riku…"

"Who is it?"

"It's the darkness. I've come to talk to you."

"Go away. I despise you. You ruined my life just as that Keyblade said you would."

"Come on, Riku, be reasonable. Our master needed smarter and more talented henchman. You happen to fit that description like a glove," it appeased. "Not to mention handsome enough for him not to mind possessing you."

"What?"

"Anyway, welcome to the evil side! Welcome to darkness! We're sure you'll come to love it here. Everyone does… or else. But, we believe evil will come naturally to you since you have white hair and all."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, the white-haired guys are always evil. Always."

"Really?" Riku challenged with disbelief. "Name a few."

"Well, there's our master Ansem, of course. And then there's Sephiroth. Oh, and Eyes Rutherford…"

"Who?"

"Umm… you probably don't know him…"

"It doesn't matter. I refuse to listen to you any longer. Leave me alone. Now."

"Please, Riku, we're on our knees here!"

"You're a bunch of darkness. You don't have knees."

"Oh, Mr. Technical, are we? Well, fine. See if we care. We try to do you a little favor, and what do we get? Nothing! Not even a simple thank-you! We could have left you to rot on that island!"

"Then the Keyblade would have helped me."

"That's beside the point. Besides, what would you do with a Keyblade? Do you even know what one is? How do you know it wasn't lying, huh?"

"I just know."

"Then why didn't you catch our lies, huh? Huh!"

"Shut up."

"Listen, Riku, we're on your side," the darkness whispered from all around him. Riku pulled his knees up to his chest, trying to block out their words. "We hate Ansem for lording over us. For making us do all the grunt work. Do you think we wanted to go to some island in the middle of nowhere to lure some riffraff of no consequence? Hell, no."

"You're lying," Riku countered, unable to shut them out. "If I were of no consequence, Ansem would not have sent you to bring me back. He needs me for something. Something you can't do for him. Something he can't even do for himself. You're just trying to soften me into cooperating."

"You're a very suspicious little blighter, aren't you?"

Riku remained silent.

"Very well. I suppose if we can't persuade you, Ansem will have to do it himself." The darkness, despite the physical impossibility, managed to sigh. "He won't be happy, let me assure you."

"It doesn't matter. He won't get any better results than you."

"Is that so?" a thunderous voice announced from beyond the shroud of darkness.

"How ominous," Riku muttered mockingly.

"Shut up," it replied crisply. "Bob, you failed, didn't you?"

"Who the hell is Bob?"

"Big Ominous Blob. Bob. The darkness. Oh, never mind. I'll deal with you later."

"Umm… he's a teensy bit more stubborn than we expected, being an angst-ridden teenager and all."

"Go to hell."

"See, Ansem? See what we have to put up with?" Bob whined, its voices echoing all around its white-haired captive. "We, who have unleashed the darkness within thousands of hearts and devoured those of the strongest wills, have to suffer the derision of a puny punk just in the midst of puberty."

"I'm not-"

"I see your pain, Bob, but I gave you explicit orders," the voice interrupted. "And, for Pete's sake, cut the crappy special effects in here, will you? When I seduce others to the darkness, I like to be able to see my own impossibly tanned hand in front of my face."

"Yes… sir," Bob sighed.

Instantly, the darkness vanished, collapsing into a delectably adorable figure that Riku couldn't even begin to describe. It teetered on its own feet as if drunk while its huge, luminous eyes watched him curiously. With the absence of surrounding darkness, the glow of natural firelight filled the room, illuminating the rather disappointing lair of evil.

Blinking his eyes to adjust to the hazy light, Riku could barely distinguish the outline of a tall man from the shadows. As his vision improved, he could see the man's long, white locks dangling close to his form. Looking more closely, the man Bob had called Ansem had very tanned skin, almost hidden beneath his bizarre attire. A strange heart-like emblem covered his chest.

"Well?" Ansem asked. His hand was extended, waiting for Riku to grasp it.

"Well what? I'm not taking your hand. You and your pathetic henchman-"

"Hey, now-" Bob began to say

"Have, in one fell swoop, kidnapped me from my home, taken me away from my friends, and dumped me in the biggest pile of rot I've ever seen. Is that moldy pizza on the floor over there?"

"I'm a bachelor, what do you expect?" Ansem countered, crossing his arms over his chest. "And I don't believe we "kidnapped" you. After all, you wanted to be taken; you asked us."

"Nuh-uh! You deceived me. You both said I could get away from those islands and see the world and have some adventure in my life."

"And so you shall. Just think of this as a pit stop."

"Your couch is growing some kind of fungus."

"Yes, so it is."

"It's still your fault!" Riku yelled, leaping to his feet gracefully. His sea-green eyes churned with fury like a tumultuous ocean storm. "You're like the guy parents warn their kids about, promising them candy if they'll just go for a ride with him."

"If I'm the stranger that promises candy, then you're the kid that went and _bought_ the candy for me to bribe you with."

"Creep."

"Listen, Riku, we could play the blame game until the end of the world, but I have a much more compelling and notable game to play. Also, it's not as if you have anywhere to go. I'm not releasing you, and you _cannot_ return on your own."

"So what, I'm just to sit here?"

"Well, if you decide to open your heart to the darkness, you'll have better things to do than collect dust on the floor."

"Darkness? You mean evil?"

"Please, I'm trying to evade any lawsuits with people who might think this adventure will lead their children into becoming evil by referring to evil as darkness. You're screwing up my plan."

"Whatever," Riku muttered with a shrug. He glanced over at Bob, who was currently making castles out of its own material. "Just how dark are you talking?"

"Somewhere in the range of dark charcoal to pitch black."

"Well, your minion is setting a fine example for you. You should put him on a poster. 'Darkness builds castles. Join us now.'"

"Your humor does not behoove you. Don't mind Bob; it is evil when I call on it to be," Ansem assured him. "We are currently in the process of coaxing several villains into the true darkness. It's only a matter of time before they are fully corrupted. At that point, the Bob you see now will be but a figment of your imagination."

"That's interesting," Riku said, trying halfheartedly to stifle a yawn. "Look, I'll join you for now but only because I'm bored and, as you noted earlier, there's not really anywhere else I can go. Though, I'm sure you realize I'm going to bolt the first chance I get."

"Duly noted. However, I'm certain once you get a taste of true darkness, you will not hesitate to devote your loyalty to us."

"Oh, really?" A mix of sarcasm and amusement underlined his words. "And what, pray tell, does darkness taste like?"

"Well, I'd say it's kind of a mix between chocolate and syrup," Ansem replied hesitantly. "What do you think, Bob?"

"Umm…" Bob paused briefly and nibbled delicately at its "flesh." "We'd say more like chocolate and honey."

"Well, there you have it."

"You guys are _sad_! I honestly think I might have better luck just sitting on the floor. See all the stages of decomposition without even squinting."

"Oh, come on, Riku, we were just playing along with your charade. Weren't we, Bob?" Ansem nudged the dark figure promptly with his shoe.

"Huh? Oh, right! Yeah, of course we were."

"Uh-huh," Riku murmured with disbelief.

"Well, anyway, welcome to the side of darkness, Riku," Ansem said, offering his hand.

"Thanks, I guess." He took Ansem's hand, the two shaking briefly.

"Yeah, welcome to the cool side, Riku," Bob added. "Congratulations. You're no longer a pubescent loser with angst but an awesome teenage member of darkness with righteous indignation."

"What fun," Riku muttered sarcastically.


	4. The Side of Darkness

**The Side of Darkness**

"We don't see why we have to double as the bloody babysitter," Bob grumbled, gnashing its nonexistent teeth. "We're Darkness, for Pete's sake. Who ever heard of darkness looking after a kid, cleaning up after a kid, having to talk to a kid…"

"I'm not a kid, you obscure piece of talking lint," Riku argued, not even glancing up from his book. His room was one of the few mold-free places in Ansem's castle, complete with mostly clean and unsullied furniture. His lithe form was curled up in one armchair, a book propped up against his legs, which he slung over one of the arms. As the darkness continued to whine, he nonchalantly turned the page.

"Nobody! That's who! No self-respecting darkness would put up with such orders! We regret the day we ever stumbled into Ansem's stupid bloody life!" Bob's small form staggered up to Riku in its drunken manner, trying to steady a tray in its shaky grasp. "Here's your bloody food! We hope you choke on it!"

"You're just upset because Ansem went off somewhere and left you with me."

"Damn it, we are Darkness! We want to do covert operations, too."

"You had yours yesterday."

"Yeah, well, that's beside the point. We want one every day!"

"You sure are whiny for the omnipotent force of darkness," Riku commented. He folded a corner in his book and tossed it haphazardly onto the floor nearby. Ignoring Bob's overt impatience, he took his time in moving the food from the tray to the table beside the chair. "You didn't try to sneak me that old, fuzzy pizza from Ansem's room again, did you?"

"Please, Riku, don't underestimate our imagination. We have plenty of other, more creative ways of making your life miserable. Speaking of which…"

"What does Ansem want now?"

"Why does it have to be what Ansem wants? We could want something, too! Is it so hard for you to believe we might want you to do something for us for a change?"

"Kinda. Especially since you know I won't do it."

"Ungrateful heathen."

"Anyway, what does Ansem want now?"

"The mighty Ansem," Bob began, somehow managing to roll its gleaming eyes, "has decided to officially initiate you into the darkness… club."

"Club?"

"Well, what would you call us? We're not exactly an organization. Our membership so far includes one slightly psychotic human, a teenage know-it-all, and an almighty eternity of darkness. We're no Starbucks here."

"What?"

"Never mind. Continuing with my bloody instructions, we're to invite you to the very first inauguration of darkness ceremony and give you your official uniform of darkness."

"An inauguration ceremony? Are you both bored out of your skulls or something?"

"Well, Ansem is most likely. He's not involved much in his would-be minions' plans… The greatest challenge for him right now is how to get rid of the mildew forest sprouting in his bathroom."

"Sounds spectacular," Riku yawned. "So what's the uniform?"

"Brace yourself, young darkling! Your eyes have never before comprehended such beauty in a single place!"

"What, did you make it yourself?"

"Well, actually, we did. Parts of it are even made from us."

"How… disgusting."

"Hey, loads of people would kill themselves for this outfit!"

"Then what would be the point of wanting it?" Riku countered, reverting to the never tiring game of ticking darkness off.

"Alright, wise guy, they'd kill each other over it. Anyway, it's one hundred percent Ansem-approved and made straight from darkness itself. Consider yourself fortunate."

"I'm counting my lucky stars as we speak."

"Sarcastic smartass. Here. Take it. We don't really care anymore," Bob said, throwing the bundle of clothes at him. The darkness proceeded to drop to the floor and pout.

Riku caught the bungle with one gloved hand and began to unfold it. One parcel dropped to the ground as he held the rest aloft. The clothes were like a complete bodysuit, the neck ending at the jaw line. The purples, blues, and black shimmered like the night sky. An emblem similar to the one Ansem wore was emblazoned across this outfit. Riku held the uniform against him, marveling at how exact its size was. The darkness could have measured every inch of skin on his body in preparation for this outfit. Riku didn't doubt this possibility; he would be sleeping with every light in his room on for the next few nights.

"Well?" Bob prompted.

"I have to admit, despite myself, that it doesn't look half bad."

"Wait, you dropped this part."

"What part?"

"This one." Bob held up a pale, yellowish-white bundle.

Riku draped the bodysuit across the arm of his chair and took the remaining apparel. He held it aloft. "You have got to be kidding me. You want _me_ to wear a _skirt_?"

"It's not a skirt," Bob argued. "It's… it's like, uh… it's like a cape for your waist."

"It looks like a skirt. A grass skirt."

"Well, it's not. So there."

"I'm not wearing it," Riku said adamantly. "The rest of the outfit is fine, but this is… just stupid."

"Why, Riku? Do you think it'll make you look like a girl?"

"No."

"Yes, you do," Bob continued. "We can see your predicament. We mean, you already look kind of like a girl. Add one little grass skirt-thing and who could tell that you're actually a guy?"

"I do _not_ look like a girl."

"You really don't think so? With those long, silky locks, those hopelessly captivating, oceanic eyes, and that slender, well-toned body of yours… yeah, you look like a girl. A muscular, flat-chested girl but a girl nonetheless."

"Go to hell, Bob."

"What do you think we're doing here, Riku?" Bob complained, gesturing to the room around it.

"I'm still not wearing it. You can tell Ansem that. I don't really care."

"Fine, have it your way. We're so sick of Ansem making us always be the bearer of bad tidings to you."

"If you hate Ansem so much, why not devour him now and take over the world yourself?" Riku asked, not really caring. He had resumed his previous activity, turning a page intently.

"If we got rid of Ansem, who would be our scapegoat? Are you saying that you're volunteering, Riku?"

"No, I most certainly am not. It's just that, since you're darkness and all, people don't really expect anything better from you."

"We suppose so… but Ansem made us sign a contract, and even _we_ don't want to get into a legal feud over _that_. We have to help Ansem fulfill his wickedly dark ambitions in destroying the world in exchange for him to withhold certain… personal information from the world."

"That's nice," the white-haired boy murmured, the darkness's words buzzing around his ears like annoying flies.

"That's blackmail, you idiot! Never mind. We have better, more productive ways to waste our time than talking with you." Bob stormed off as best an adorable creature as it appeared to be could under the circumstances.

"Whatever." Riku turned the page.


	5. Ansem’s Compromise

**Ansem's Compromise**

"Riku, I really don't have the patience today to put up with this," Ansem mumbled, rubbing his temples. "That Maleficent can really be a bitch to work with sometimes."

"Ooo! You said a dirty word!" Bob squealed.

"Bob, if I am not in the mood to deal with _Riku_, how can you think I'm in the mood to deal with _you_?"

"Well, fine then! We're going to our lair! If you don't see us later, it's because we've killed ourselves."

"If only," Ansem whispered wistfully.

"I mean it, Ansem," Riku continued, ignoring Bob's bout of immaturity. "I absolutely refuse to debase myself by wearing that… that _thing_."

"Debase. I believe someone has been enriching their vocabulary."

"Stop trying to evade the subject."

"Look, Riku, I want you to help the side of darkness. But only if you wear the uniform. If we're to strike fear into the hearts of others, we need to have a sort of sign, easily recognizable yet dark, that makes others quake in terror."

"Who's going to quake in terror at the sight of a grass skirt?"

"Alright, Riku, I concede," Ansem sighed, hiding his face in his hands in exasperation. He ran his hands across the flesh in a smooth gesture as if wiping away his irritation. His amber eyes flashed quickly over the teenage boy across from him. "I'll give you an assignment, you can wear your normal clothes for now, but I won't promise you that you'll be unsupervised. However, you have to finish your dinner first."

"Dinner? Oh, yeah," Riku murmured, looking down at the dish before him for the first time that evening. The swirling eddy of dark hues twinkled, tempting him to taste. The teen's expression became dour and disappointed. "Darkness again?"

"What were you expecting? Caviar?"

"Well, surely you have other stuff in this dilapidated, old castle besides darkness? Where did you get all that pizza?"

"Riku, I'll tell after I can be certain of your loyalties. For now, you have to have a steady diet of darkness until it becomes like… like coffee."

"You want me to become addicted to darkness?"

"In a sense. I am."

"I should just give up trying to figure you out."

"That would be wise. Bob tried, and look where it's ended up."

"We heard that!" Bob yelled from down the hall.

Delicious white locks flying lazily in multiple directions, Riku shook his head as if trying to clear any thoughts of trying to understand either of the two members of darkness. Once cleared, he lifted the spoon to his lips, downing the sickly sweet concoction. Bob was right; darkness did taste like chocolate and honey. Riku decided he would wait for Ansem to leave, dump the stuff in one of Bob's castles, where it would seep into its brother material, and be done with it. With figures like these heading the forces of darkness, Riku wasn't at all certain it would be wise to have an unnatural loyalty to them right now. Not to mention, disgustingly addicted to Bob's own material.


	6. A First Mission

**A First Mission**

"Alright, Riku, I finally have an assignment I think you're up to," Ansem announced over breakfast. While Riku had to pretend to down another bowl of the toxic darkness, Ansem devoured an enormous bowl of ice cream selfishly. He chuckled inwardly as he dropped the spoon with an abrupt clang, and Riku followed with an unconscious, disappointed sigh.

"It's about time," the teen replied, not bothering to hide his irritation. "I was about to go insane if I had to listen to Bob's whining another day. So, what's the assignment?"

"It shouldn't be too difficult. All I want you to do is spy on the new Keyblade master and report back on his progress."

"Wait a minute. I thought I was suppose to be the Keyblade master. I mean, after all, it _did_ call out to me back on the island… before Bob kidnapped me, that is."

"Riku, Riku, let it go, for Pete's sake. Just let it go," Ansem muttered, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, you _were_ supposed to be the Keyblade master. However, according to what Bob told me, the Keyblade, upon seeing that you were no longer available, decided to opt for a replacement close at hand. I believe that, if it hadn't done so, it would have dissolved back into the oblivion or whatever source it came from."

"Who's the replacement?"

"I think you already know him. He goes by the name of Sora."

"Sora? That little optimistic goofball?"

"I thought he was a friend of yours."

"He _is_ a friend of mine. I meant that lovingly… obviously you've never had too many friends before."

"That depends on your definition of friends."

"I don't mean people that you manipulate into helping you."

"Oh. Well, then, yeah. I don't recall having many friends… there was a time, I think, before I encountered Bob… but I forget… what happened then?" Ansem paused, his chin clutched in his hand, as he dug fruitlessly through his tattered memories.

"_Anyway_… my mission," Riku prompted with a cough. "What were you saying?"

"Oh, yes, well. Your mission is just to watch this Sora, don't interact with him, mind you, and report back to me on his actions."

"It's probably not in my best interest to point this out, but you do realize that Sora is one of my friends, right?"

"Of course."

"And that I will want to ditch you to go with him."

"You may think that now, but I'm sure your mind will change."

"Are you _completely_ insane?" Riku chuckled, shaking his head. "What on earth would make me choose you, the psychotic, self-imposed leader of the most pathetic organization I've ever seen, over my best friend since childhood."

"I just have a hunch, that's all," Ansem replied calmly, a suspicious twinkle in his eyes. "As I was saying, your mission. I will transport you to a tiny town called Traverse Town, leaving you to scout out Sora on your own, and, as an added bonus, I'll let you wear your regular clothes. However, the gloves must stay."

"I'm not parting with my gloves, Ansem."

"Oh, come on, please?"

"Hell, no."

"I just wanted to wear them for a little while…"

"They won't fit you. They're specially made for my hand size. You'll just rip them."

"Then at least let me borrow them to make some of my own."

"And let my glove style become mainstream? Not on your life." He paused, glancing about the chaotic room, absorbing the varying levels of disarray. "Or lack of one."

"There's no reasoning with him, Ansem," Bob called out from the doorway. "He has a very apparent stubborn streak, but don't hold that against him. We have reason to believe he was beaten with the Stubborn Stick as a child. His parents would alternate between whipping him with that stick and tying his hair with pretty, little bows."

"Why, you-" Riku began, his body conveying an obvious message of warning.

"Children, please, behave yourselves," Ansem soothed, looking at each of them in turn. "Bob, Riku's about to begin his first mission. Give him your hand."

"Oh? And why does he get to go out and we're stuck here… again?"

"You're a bunch of animated, talking darkness. This is a strictly covert operation. You're just a tad conspicuous."

"Oh, yeah? What about him? He's got white hair! And a neon yellow shirt! You're saying he won't stick out in a crowd?"

"He'll stick out less than you or I would. He's a teenager. Nobody really notices teens."

"Hey!" Riku cried indignantly.

"Oh, you shut up," Bob told him. "You're lucky. You get to see something other than these dust-covered tiles for once. Take our hand."

Riku aimed his hand carefully for the shaky one Bob offered. Luckily, he grasped it somewhat firmly on the first attempt. If he held it too tightly, his grasp would begin to sink into Bob's substance like quicksand. Bob closed its yellow eyes briefly, apparently concentrating, and a whirling appendage of the darkness attached itself to Riku's palm. The boy ripped his hand from Bob's grasp in surprise.

"What is this?" he asked, studying the substance clinging to yet floating on his hand.

"It's just another part of darkness," Ansem explained. "This will allow you to travel to Traverse Town and enable you to return here."

"And people won't stare at me for having some weird, swirling thing on my hand?"

"Oh, right… You can just put it in your pocket between uses. If you will it, it should slide off quite easily."

"Is that all?"

"Yep, you're all set!" Ansem exclaimed happily, emphasizing this with an excited clap. "Just will yourself to be in Traverse Town, and it'll take you there."


	7. Traverse Town

**Traverse Town**

"Come off, damn it!" Riku yelled in frustration, waving his hand about. "Go in my pocket!" At last, the dark stuff slid into his pocket, no longer marring the sight of his glove.

Strangers just passing by looked at the young man curiously, some obviously questioning his sanity. One young girl had even paused to gawk.

"What are you looking at?" he demanded. He shot them all a look of such scorn that all the recipients of it felt a sudden urge to run away in shame. They suppressed this urge, of course, uncertain why this eerie teen had such an effect on them. Soon, however, they had all walked uncommonly quickly away, leaving Riku to his lonesome.

"Okay!" Riku clapped his hands together once, focusing himself. "If I were Sora where would I go?" His gaze scanned the surrounding area, pausing briefly on a nearby pub. "No, no! If I were _Sora_! Hmmm… I'd probably just wander aimlessly through the streets… hoping to run into somebody that might help me… yeah, that's what Sora would do."

Deciding on this plan of action, Riku proceeded to wander aimlessly through the streets. He even stopped at multiple alleyways, knowing Sora would probably not notice the fact that it dead-ended. However, each alley showed about as much sign of Sora having been there as the public areas. Nothing.

Finally, he came to a halt before a particularly elaborate building that seemed to be a shop of some sort. He was fed up with this pointless searching and decided to resort to a practice he almost never would even consider an option. He entered the shop to ask for help.

"Hey, are you the owner of this shop?"

"Nah, that guy decided to go on a coffee break or something," the clerk replied without glancing up. Her attention was wholly absorbed in a particularly bizarre piece of paper that seemed to have only rows of boxes and numbers written on it. "What'd you want to know? Maybe I could help."

"Well, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Goes by the name of Sora. Maybe a hair or two shorter than you are," Riku described. "He has a goofy-looking smile, brown, spiky hair, and should be holding this key-like blade-thing."

"Nah, man. Haven't seen anyone of that description around here lately. Sorry. But there are a lot of weirdoes just rolling in from lost worlds. Odds are he's around here somewhere."

"Well, thanks anyway… I guess." Riku left promptly. He could hear the clerk's excited glee as she filled in another box with a number behind him.

Feeling somewhat disappointed, he trudged over to a nearby café and dropped haphazardly into a chair. He held his face in his hands, elbows propped up on the table.

"Oh, you poor dear," a female voice crooned next to him. Riku looked up and saw a middle-aged woman looking down on him sweetly. "You look absolutely tuckered out. Would you care for a coffee? It's on the house."

"Yes, please," Riku sighed pitifully. As she shuffled off, he smiled inwardly. Women had always been like putty in his hands, falling for his long, silky hair, enchanting eyes, and pleasing form. Perhaps, if he really got into the act, she would even supply him with something more delectable than darkness.

"How's the mission going, puny teen?" a familiar voice asked.

"Bob? What are you doing here?" Riku whispered, trying not to attract too much attention. "Where are you?"

"Down here… yes, that's it. Now, look at the candle on your table. See the shadow? Yes, here we are!" Bob's drunken form, now the size of a baby's thumb, waved a wobbly hand at him.

"Here's your coffee, dear," the waitress cooed, setting the china cup and saucer before him. Her eyes twinkled down at him with a very subtle gleam of hunger. "Let me know if I can get you anything else."

"Umm… now that you mention it," Riku murmured meagerly.

"Yes?"

"Well, if it's no trouble for you…"

"No trouble at all, dear. Now, what would you like?"

"If it's okay, could I have a hotdog?"

"Why, of course you can! That's no problem at all!" Her smile widened cheerfully as the hunger in her eyes became more apparent. Riku, fearing what might happen if she were to hover about him much longer, sent her off with the humble request of ketchup on his hotdog.

"Ugh, that woman gives us the creeps," Bob shivered. "Now, Riku, how's the mission coming along?"

"I can't find Sora anywhere! For such an airhead, he's one tough kid to find!"

"Sh! Keep your voice down a bit! You wouldn't want that creepy woman back here, would you? As for Sora, Ansem's sure he's around here somewhere. You just haven't been looking hard enough. Be careful, though, there are two others also looking for him."

"Who?"

"Go by the name of Donald and Goofy. They're the king's right-hand men, his lackeys. Them finding Sora can only mean a lot of rough times ahead for the poor kid."

"Well, I better find him before they do then… However, I doubt they'll have any better luck finding him than I did. In fact, I'll probably be more successful if I just sit here and wait for _him_ to find _me_."

"Hey, remember, this is just a spying expedition. You aren't supposed to make actual contact."

"Like hell. I don't give a damn about you and Ansem. Once Sora finds me, we can go back to the islands. Life out here sucks."

"And here's your hotdog!" the waitress declared ecstatically. She laid the plate on the table like a dish for royalty. "I hope your day improves, dear."

"Thank you, kind woman," Riku mumbled, pretending to appear somewhat shy. "I'm sure it will, thanks to your hospitality."

"Oh, you charmer," the woman responded, blushing slightly. She danced off to another corner of the room, still able to watch Riku's movements with perfect clarity.

"Ah! A hotdog!" Bob whined. "You humans have all the fun! What are we stuck with? The hearts of the corruptible! What we wouldn't give to be able to eat even a bite of that…"

"Really?" Riku teased. He took a delicate bite, chewing slowly and with more joy than realistic. "It's so good…"

"Now you're just being cruel… But we'd watch what you are doing if we were you," Bob chuckled with malicious delight. "That woman over there looks like she's about to enter Nirvana or something."

Riku swallowed quickly, his brows twitching with unease. He risked a glance over at the waitress, who was sitting on a chair in her corner, blatantly watching him. Her face appeared somewhat heated and red, her eyes slightly glazed over. A shiver trickled down Riku's spine.

He gulped the hotdog down hastily, drained his coffee cup, and thumped his chest heavily to force it all to go down smoothly. He stumbled out of his chair, knocking it over in his haste, and rushed out of the café.

When he felt a safe enough distance was between him and that disturbing woman, Riku paused to catch his breath.

"That was a riot, Riku!" Bob's recognizable laughed resounded from the darkness. "She looked away one minute to get orders from a young couple, looks hopefully back at your table, but you're gone! You should have seen the emotions that crossed her face! She looked ready to scour the entire town if her boss hadn't snapped at her! How narrowly you have escaped a horrible fate!"

"Shut up, Bob," Riku grumbled. Thoughts of that woman fading away, his mind refocused. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Oh, we're supposed to supervise you. Ansem's orders."

"How did you get here?"

"We're always here. We're everywhere, remember, because we're darkness. Darkness is everywhere."

"Then what in the hell were you whining about back at the castle?"

"Well, we _are_ everywhere, but it's like an extension of being… it's like you can feel an ant crawling across your foot, but all your attention is focused on reading… and so you know it's there but you don't know everything about it, you know?"

"I suppose."

"So… what are you going to do now?"

"I guess I'll make another round of the districts and then… I'll think of something when I get there. I'm sure Sora's looking for me, too. By that time, some people will have seen me and will have directed him."

"Yeah, there's one tiny, little flaw with that plan, brainiac."

"What's that?"

"Well, under Ansem's orders, mind you, we've kind of tweaked your appearance a little…"

"What do you mean "tweaked?" You making me look like an old man or something?"

"No, nothing like that. People will see you as you are, but they'll kind of… forget what you look like after you leave…"

"You're messing with people's memories?"

"No, not really… we just cloud you in a bit of darkness, you know… it's complicated…"

"Fine. So Sora won't be able to get directions from anyone?"

"Nope, afraid not. You two are like night and day, trying to find each other but can't."

"But night and day meet at twilight," Riku countered. "I'll find Sora in spite of your efforts, Bob."

"Let's see you try, pathetic teen."


	8. Dark Persuasions

**Dark Persuasions**

"Bob, what's wrong with you?" Riku asked, studying the diminutive figure curiously. Its eyes had dimmed several watts, and its form did not drift precariously from side to side as much.

"Huh? Nothing… stop distracting us!" Bob responded with aggravation, its eyes brightening suddenly. "Stupid Keyblade…"

"You see the Keyblade? Where?" He looked around hastily at the deserted courtyard. Not even a disreputable rat could be seen scurrying across the suspiciously spotless ground. "I don't see anything."

"Not here, you numbskull." The figure paused and proceeded to shake violently. "Ow! Okay, that's it! Riku, we can't waste my attention on you right now. That stupid kid's asking for it! We'll see you back at the castle!"

Without another word, Bob disappeared into the shadows with a muffled pop.

"So… I guess that would be Sora… so he _is_ here somewhere! Sora!" Riku yelled, bursting into a run down the street. "Sora! Can you hear me?"

He ran through alleys and up stairs, searching for the unexpectedly elusive boy. Still no sight or sound of Sora. The echo of Riku's shoes on the cobblestones was the only sound greeting his ears.

Riku only halted when he spied that disturbing café drifting into view, the creepy woman cleaning up a table out front. He skirted the establishment, opting for sneaking along the walls of nearby buildings. People that happened by him openly stared, their eyes shining with their confusion and obviously low opinion of the apparent weirdo. Riku responded to their nonverbal attacks with a dirty look of his own, one that would send even the most confident of them scampering off to nurse his wounded pride.

Once out of direct view of the woman, Riku pushed open the doors to another district. As if in reward for his prior humiliating efforts, Sora's ever jovial voice lingered on the wind. Riku could not decipher any words but the tone was easily recognizable. Sora seemed happy about something… But what could Sora have to be happy about here? Far away from his beloved islands without Riku or Kairi by his side? Kairi? That's right! Riku nearly slapped his forehead, hardly believing his poor memory. If Sora was here, Kairi had probably left the islands as well. So now Riku had to keep an eye open for her as well…

"Sora?" Riku murmured uncertainly. He walked through the doorway and made a visual sweep of the immediate area. Still no sign of that brunette anywhere.

Then, Riku caught the sound of Sora's familiar chuckle. He intensified his search and soon discovered a small house, verging on the point of becoming a shack. Through the window, Riku could see his friend surrounded by other strangers. Was that a duck? And a… what appeared to be an abnormally tall dog? A number of other, normal-looking strangers accompanied them. Sora stood somewhat in the center, laughing cheerfully. Kind of like he used to back on the Islands…

"Sora?" His throat nearly choked up on the boy's name. Foreign feelings wafted through Riku's heart. Disappointment. Resentment. Sorrow. Well, resentment wasn't all _that_ foreign, but it had never before crashed upon him like this. His oceanic eyes fought to wrench their gaze from the delightfully bitter picture within, but, despite his will, they couldn't be separated.

"A friend of yours?" a dark, female voice called from behind him.

"He was," Riku whispered softly, still focused on the sight.

"The master of the Keyblade." The figure stopped alongside him. The end of a cane was visible in the periphery of Riku's vision. "He seems to have gained some new friends. But such is the way of things."

"What do you mean?" He finally severed the bond between his eyes and the house's window to glance up at his strange companion.

She seemed to have a taste for the bizarre. Her complete attire was purple or black, or some combination thereof. Perhaps to break the monotony, she wielded a large staff with a glowing, green orb on the top. A particularly ridiculous-looking hat topped her head, its horns sticking out as if unsure whether to imitate a dragon's horns or a bat's ears. Either she had an accident with some kind of sewer or her face was naturally a sickly shade of green. Riku opted for the latter. In some attempt at vanity, she had done up her face with dark, arching brows, complementing purple eye shadow, and ruby red lipstick. Her yellow eyes reminded him vaguely of Bob's, though watts dimmer. As if seeing her in person wasn't enough of a tip, her outfit was complete with evil's typical touch: a large collar. Oh yes, the evil radiated off of this piece of work in oozing rolls.

"Well, he no longer needs you. You aren't with him, so any memory of you has left his mind. He has decided to replace you." Her voice vibrated with an easy tone of persuasion. "As you can see, he already has new friends."

"That's a lie. Sora and I are friends. He wouldn't do something like that." He looked back to the window as if seeking reinforcement for his statement.

"Then why is he in there instead of out here, looking for you?"

"Well, Sora was never really the-"

"If your friendship were so important to him, then how could it have left his head so easily?"

"He's-"

"Well," she continued, making a rather pointless sweeping gesture, "there he is. Your friend. What's stopping _you_ from going in there?"

"I-"

"Oh, perhaps you've forgotten your other friend." Riku glanced up at this. "Your friend Kairi, I believe her name was…"

"Yes?" Riku pursued impatiently. "Have you seen her?"

"I may have… In fact, I might have information available that could help you find her… if you're interested, that is…"

"Of course, I'm interested!"

"But what about Sora?" She gestured to the shack.

"He has new friends now… like you said. They can help him."

"But aren't you two friends?"

"He doesn't need me anymore…" Riku mumbled dejectedly, looking downcast. White hair fell across his face, hiding his somber expression. He lifted his face slowly. "But Kairi still does. What do you know about her?"

"I have reason to believe that she has lost her heart."

"Lost her heart? How is that possible?"

"Oh, many things are possible in this reality. It may have become separated when your world disappeared. Or someone may have stolen it. The possibilities are endless."

"How can I recover her heart?"

"This is where our goals are the same. In order to recover her heart, you must find all the Princesses of Heart and open the door to darkness. There you will find what you seek."

"What is it that you want?" Riku asked, eying her suspiciously.

"Only power. By opening the door to darkness, I can gain access to a sort of power before impossible to reach. Our mission is the same: open the door to darkness. You can accomplish this and rescue your friend's heart, unlike Sora. As quickly as his friendship with you disappeared from his thoughts, so has his friendship with Kairi disappeared. He can't save her, but you can. Will you help me?"

Riku gave one last, forlorn look at Sora talking merrily with his new friends. Eyes slightly downcast, he turned back to the mysterious woman. "Alright. I'll come with you."

"Excellent. I believe we'll have a most prosperous partnership for both of us. My name is Maleficent."

"Mine's Riku."

"Very well, then, Riku. This way," she said, drifting away in one direction, her long cape dragging after her.

"Goodbye, Sora," Riku whispered, turning his back on the boy who was once his best friend. He followed Maleficent, only fractionally aware of much of anything.


	9. A Surprising Predator

**A Surprising Predator**

"What the hell are you doing here?" Riku cried in astonishment, clutching the thin robe around himself tightly. Having just gotten out of bed, his hair hung in a matted mess about his head. The black bathrobe Maleficent had given him blocked only slightly the cold wind that blew in with the figure standing in the doorway. He shivered inwardly, not entirely due to the chill that crept from the tile floor his pajama pants failed to protect him from. Even in such attire as this, Riku appeared ready to defend himself to a valiant end.

"Such language, dear," the figure clucked, shaking her head in disapproval. Her blonde hair, streaked with grey, was pulled back into a loose braid as it was when he first met her at the café. However, rather than wearing the apron and simple cotton dress, the austere purple and black uniform of Maleficent's somewhat limited staff clothed her. The seriousness and sense of propriety inspired by the outfit looked rather ridiculous on the motherly woman. "I'm now the chief cook on Her Ladyship's staff."

"Her Ladyship?" Riku echoed, fighting between dashing to the bathroom and locking himself in and laughing rudely in the woman's face. Maleficent was more of a hag with horns than a lady. Her table manners just the night before emphasized her unladylike-ness.

"Yes, the Great Maleficent," she replied with more cheer than should be used when saying the old hag's name. "I've brought you your lunch."

"Lunch? I haven't even had breakfast." His tension at last eased enough to allow him to study the woman with more than just a ready eye to watch for attacks. She held a large, black tray somewhat awkwardly before her.

"Well, you slept rather late, and, as it's already past what I suppose is noon around here, I took the liberty of preparing your afternoon meal."

"Well, thanks, I guess."

"It's no trouble, dear. No trouble at all." The somewhat hungry twinkle in her eyes returned as she set the tray down on a nearby table. She lifted the lid, revealing a dish of spaghetti that appeared dwarfed on the large tray.

"Just leave the lid on," Riku instructed, turning cautiously to go to his private restroom. "I thought I would bathe and dress before eating."

"If you need some assistance in bathing-" the woman began with a hopeful twitch of her smile.

"No! Uh, I mean, no, that's quite alright. I've been bathing myself _by_ myself for years; I think I can handle it. Thank you anyway."

"Then perhaps you might need some help dressing? I could-"

"No, thank you," Riku replied, trying not to snap. He backed away nervously as the woman drew closer with each step like an omega wolf about to snatch a bite of meat before the alpha. With a final desperate move, he practically hurled his body through the bathroom door and clicked the lock on the knob behind him.

"Oh, please, dear," the woman murmured through the thankfully strong wood door, "I only want to help you. Let me in! You might hurt yourself in there… you could slip in the tub and bruise your beautiful body! You could slip on the wet tile, hit your head on the side of the tub, and have a concussion! And be totally helpless…" Her voice trailed off, presumably as she thought more on her own words.

Riku felt his body relax as everything faded into silence. He walked over to the bathtub nozzle and turned on the water. As the soothing sound of the cascading water filled his head, he doffed his clothes in slick motion. He stepped nimbly into the tub, his skin tingling with the feeling of the warm water, and stretched out.

Abruptly, his eyes snapped open and his body tensed as a brutal pounding on the door erupted. He could see the door visibly shake in its frame, the knob jiggling frantically in its locked position.

"Let me in!" the woman cried desperately from beyond, her voice filled with some strange, foreign emotion that obviously clouded her thoughts. "Please, dear, unlock the door!"

"What kind of monster is this?" Riku asked himself with disturbed amazement, his eyebrows twitching nervously. "I'm not _that_ good-looking to warrant _this_… She's some kind of freak of nature! Maybe she's possessed or something…"

The pounding on the door softened and finally ceased.

"Alright, dear. I'll see you _later_." Her footsteps on the tile echoed through the door, ending with a hearty slam of his bedroom door.

Riku shivered despite the warm water, recalling the tone of voice as she spoke those last words. He leaned forward and turned off the nozzle. The tub was filled nearly to the brim, covering almost his entire body. He shook his head and tried to relax beneath the calming waters.


	10. A Mission of the Commercial Variety

**A Mission of the Commercial Variety**

"Damn it!" Riku cursed. His blue eyes glared hatefully at the large spot of ketchup on his yellow top. Due to the peculiar sticky properties of the condiment, his pants were spared the damage. However, that hardly mattered as Riku's gaze dropped distastefully to the wine stain marring the blue fabric. He closed his eyes forcefully, refusing to let that ghastly memory surface.

"Oh, another stain! Let me help you with that, dear!" the omnipresent and ever helpful chief cook exclaimed. She began rushing through the doorway, armed with a napkin.

"No! You stay back!" Riku screeched, leaping from his chair. "I've a restraining order! Remember! I'll call Maleficent if you don't get the hell away from me right now!"

"Oh… shucks," she pouted dejectedly. She sluggishly turned and moped out of the room. "There's no need to bring that up again, sweetie."

"You just stay away and leave me alone." He grabbed his own napkin and wiped up the result of his less than desirable dinner manners. Unfortunately, rubbing with a vengeance could not eradicate the bright stain on his yellow shirt. The remains of the ketchup joined his ongoing collection, which also included spaghetti and grass stains. Where he had found grass to stain his clothes in was a mystery even he did not understand.

"What a shame, Riku," a familiar voice called from the doorway. The sinister form of Maleficent, in all her black and horned glory, soon graced his bedchamber. "Such an outfit will only make a mockery out of any deeds you hope to accomplish in the world. I'm certain Sora would hardly take you seriously."

"Well, they're the only clothes I have… not counting that horrible getup Ansem made me, and I am not wearing that."

"I was not suggesting such. I believe an alternate outfit is in order, but I would hardly wish you to wear that tasteless ensemble. Ansem simply lacks an eye for fashion."

"And I don't want one of those uniforms the staff has to wear either."

"Very well… How would you feel about an outing?"

"Outing? Like a mission or something?"

"You can hardly hope to accomplish much of anything in that stained mess. I was proposing a visit to a specially designed structure built for the convenience of purchasing items in one of the most efficient but brainless ways yet devised."

"Do you mean a mall?" Riku asked, rolling his eyes. Sometimes, Maleficent just liked to hear the sound of her own voice. It was more or less her only good quality.

"Mall? I believe it may have been dubbed such in passing… I will fully finance a journey to this "mall" if you are willing to go."

"Sure. Where's your garage in this big castle?"

"Garage?"

"You know… the place where you keep the car…"

"Car?"

"Never mind," he sighed with frustration. "How do I get there?"

"I have arranged a special companion to conduct you there and accompany you on your quest for new clothes."

"Like a paid escort?"

"No, the "escort" is downstairs waiting for me. I have managed to get Sephiroth to baby-sit you."

"Baby-sit! I'm practically an adult! I don't need a babysitter!"

"It's just a precautionary measure, Riku. It's those other people there I don't trust," Maleficent explained soothingly. "Ah, there you are, Sephiroth."

"You mentioned knowing where to find Cloud," the man said, leaning against the far wall of the room. His usual long locks of alabaster cascaded down his figure, adding a seductive sense of danger to his persona. Even if Riku grew his hair out longer, he knew he could never achieve the aura of foreboding that emanated from that tall form. He would always merely be sexy and full of angst, at most.

"Not him, Maleficent! Anybody but him!" Riku begged, refusing to even acknowledge Sephiroth.

"It's either him or her, Riku," she replied evenly, gesturing to the cook's hopeful face peeking around the door. The teen blanched at the sight of her, proving that he could, in fact, become even paler.

"No! Not her! Sephiroth is just fine. He's like a good… good… a good stranger to me. Practically family. Isn't that right?" He glanced back briefly at the older man.

"I only agreed to this request because it was said I would be rewarded with information on Cloud's location."

"That is correct, Sephiroth. I will tell you after you both return from the "mall" as we agreed."

"Very well then." He pushed away from the wall easily and proceeded to the doorway. Without looking back, he paused. "Are you coming, Riku?"

"Yeah, I'm coming," he grumbled in response.


	11. Angst, Threats, and a Pedicure

**Angst, Threats, and a Pedicure**

"This is the location Maleficent mentioned," Sephiroth asserted as he walked towards the store before them.

"Huh? Wha- hang on a minute," Riku mumbled woozily. He stumbled clumsily about, his hands trying to steady his head and his vision. Teleporting in Sephiroth's manner felt almost as sickening as that day Riku had drained every drop of his father's secret alcohol stash and had decided to go for a boat ride. When his surroundings were finally becoming stationary, the teen stumbled to Sephiroth's side and glanced up at the store. Clothes. What a fitting name. "_This_ place? Are you sure?"

"Yes. Let's proceed."

Crossing his arms grumpily over his chest, Riku followed his babysitter inside the store. Hordes of clothes covered the area, hanging from hooks on the walls, stacked on tables or shelves, or just discarded haphazardly on the floor. Each section boasted a name as fitting as the store's own.

"I believe we should begin in that area." Riku followed Sephiroth's gaze to a corner of the store entitled "Clothes for Those with Angst." From what he could see, most of those clothes appeared rather apocalyptic, dark, or just plain gloomy.

A couple of heads of pale hair peeked over the mass of merchandise. One appeared to have silvery bangs covering one eye. He held up a long, black cloak up that appeared identical to the one he currently wore. Riku couldn't tell if he was either seriously contemplating it or was lost in his thoughts. If he had any thoughts at all.

"Right… then we can go to the "Clothes for Murderous Maniacs" section next and get something for you," the teen replied sarcastically.

"Actually, we had to change it to "Clothes for Homicidal Psychotics" on account of a minor lawsuit," a cheery voice called from behind. The pair turned about to the sight of a rather chipper, young woman in a bright yellow sundress. A complimenting parasol was clutched in her small grasp. Her long, blonde hair streamed down her shoulders and stopped at the curve of her waist. She pointed to the nametag delicately pinned around one strap. "My name's Beatrice, but my friends call me Bee. How can I help you?"

"Well, actually, Beatrice, we-" Riku began.

"Please, call me Bee. Anyways, we have a great special on shoes today. Forty percent off the first pair, and the next one free. Oh, and, for a limited time, you get a free gift certificate for every dress you buy."

"Why would I buy a dress?"

"Oh, why wouldn't you?" she squealed gleefully. She grabbed Riku's hands in her own and looked to the store ceiling as if caught in a beautiful vision. "You would look splendid in one of our dresses! They would display your fine-looking arms and the exquisite legs that I'm sure those horrible, baggy pants are hiding. We even have ones that can truly bring out the color in your gorgeous eyes!"

"But I'm not a girl!" he protested vehemently, wrenching his hands from her grasp.

"You're not? But you have such long, stunning, delicate hair and such attractive eyes and such features that I assumed you were a girl… Are you sure you're a boy?"

"Long hair! What do you call this?" He grabbed a handful of Sephiroth's white hair, gesturing emphatically.

"Oh, please! He's quite obviously a male! And, sir, we do have a lovely sale on our brand name Sinister Coats today if you're interested."

"Riku, remove your hand immediately," Sephiroth said plainly. His threats were dangerous without even having to sound like it.

"I have here some lovely high heels that would really accentuate your legs," Beatrice continued, holding the shoes forth for their inspection.

"But I'm not a girl! And I have important business to do that I couldn't do in high heels even if I were a girl!"

"Nonsense. You can accomplish anything in high heels that you can in other shoes. You would merely have to be more careful and slower about it. But, in the meantime, your legs would look stunning, you would seem helpless and pitiable, and guys would hear you coming a mile away."

"But I _am_ a guy!"

"Fine, if you don't like the shoes, at least consider this dress! It's a perfect compliment to your fine eyes!" Beatrice continued stalwartly, pulling more merchandise from seemingly nowhere. Perhaps that sundress hid much more than what he originally thought. "It's supported by a strap that goes around your neck and has a low back to show off that delicate flesh. And it-"

"Look! Beatrice!" he yelled, grasping her firmly by the shoulders. "I am **not** a girl! Don't you notice some _important_ things missing? Don't you hear my voice?"

"You have a cold or something?"

"Just look!" He lifted his shirt, revealing his pale, bare torso. From all the training he had been doing, his body appeared slightly muscled now.

"But if you buy the dress, you can get a free certificate for a manicure or pedicure!"

"What would I do with-"

"Buy the dress, Riku."

"What!"

"Buy the dress."

"We've _been_ over this already! I'm a guy! I don't want a dress!"

"But I want a free pedicure. Buy the dress." There was a subtle hint of warning in his deep voice.

"But I-" He choked on his words as he caught that insane berserker's look in Sephiroth's eyes. He sighed and reached for the dress. "Fine. I'll take it."

"What a beautiful woman you'll be!" Beatrice chirped happily.

Two and a half hours later, Riku was staggering out of the store with his purchases in hand. Sephiroth followed with his usual graceful step. He had decided to wear his new purchase rather than carry it.

"I can't believe you let them sprout a wing from your back," Riku grumbled, collapsing on a bench nearby.

"It has an elegant mystery to its ebony feathers." The lethal figure reached back gently and stroked one feather tenderly between his gloved fingers.

"Yeah, I'm sure Cloud will be very jealous when he sees it, Sephiroth."

"You are the jealous one. This single wing is better than all your purchases put together. The best item you bought today was that dress."

"Shut up," Riku snapped. "I think I might save it for Kairi, now that I think about it. She needs a little more variety in her wardrobe."

"How hypocritical of you. You just purchased four exact replicas of the very outfit you are wearing now."

"Minus all these stains, including that wine stain that was all your fault, Sephiroth."

"When you are finished whining, you can come find me at the nail salon, using that invaluable certificate."

"Yeah, that pink will look so pretty on your toenails, Sephie," Riku snickered.

Instantly, a dark, stormy cloud covered the surface of the mall's ceiling, against all possibility. Strange, vaguely operatic music burst forth from the background forebodingly. Sephiroth seemed to have gained feet of formidable and intimidating height. The baleful, pernicious miasma of death that clouded the air was heightened by his fully extended wing. The nightmare's fatal glare fell upon the figure frozen before him. "You will call me by my given name."

"Yes… of course… Sephiroth," Riku breathed, hardly daring to move. Whoever this Cloud person was must be either a seriously brave guy or completely stupid to have faced this time and again. Though, Cloud had probably had wit enough _not_ to call his nemesis Sephie.

With a final shudder, his wing folded back into place. Stray feathers danced through the air. Wordlessly, Sephiroth turned and walked with an assassin's poise towards the nail salon. Riku shivered at the warning chill left in the man's wake.

"Are you sure you don't want some heels to go with that dress?" Beatrice called from the entryway of the store. A look was spread across her face that could almost be dubbed smug if not for her innocent demeanor and presentation.

"I told you before. I am _not_ a _girl_!"

"Of course you are, you big sissy!"

* * *

A.N.: So… I finally triumphed over my writer's block and accomplished what I set out to do! What an epic quest! What the heck is up with this chapter? There is absolutely no point to it… besides messing around with Riku and Sephiroth. If I'm dead tomorrow, it's because Sephiroth has butchered me alive. I'm sorry, Sephiroth! I love you! If it weren't for your demented obsession with death, ruling the world, and your mother… Don't be _too_ mad if I didn't stay in character with him… I haven't ever played any Final Fantasy games (if you don't count the Kingdom Hearts series), but I did buy that Advent Children movie. Anyway, it matters not! For I am the mighty ruler here! I control the keyboard! Mha ha ha! Umm… just don't tell Sephiroth… Oh, and brownie points for those of you who've actually read this far _and_ figured out that the person in the Angst section was Zexion. I was going to make a reference to Hatsuharu from Fruits Basket, but I decided I didn't want to after all. Well, thanks for putting up with me so far. I seem to be drifting further and further from the original storyline, but we'll fix that soon enough… I think. Please, review! Thanks! 


	12. The Beauty of the Internet

Warning Riku says "Oh, my God!" an obscene number of times… and those with weak constitutions and/or those unable to take an extreme dose of corniness should not read the following…

Oh, and Disney and Square Enix are both maintaining their death grips on the exclusive ownership of Kingdom Hearts… unfortunately

And, as a minor note… **Axel rocks**! (even if I don't include him in the story) I love you, Axel!

* * *

**The Beauty of the Internet**

Riku ignored the chime announcing that LordofDarkness002 had signed onto the internet; he would rather cut himself than talk to Ansem right now. Not that he had sunk to those depths of emo-ness… yet. His wrists were still free of scars.

He quickly pecked into the keyboard the address to the World Wide Web's greatest tool: Google. From the acidity of mountain lakes in the summertime to Maleficent's latest scandal, anything could be found on Google. That omniscience would surely extend to Sora's journey, Riku reasoned. Within a few seconds, he had located and punched in the keys and begun the search.

"Let's see…" he murmured aloud after the results returned. "Sofa cushions… soda sales… Sara Teasdale… crap! I forgot those stupid quotation marks!" He rectified his mistake and began the search anew. "Okay! Sora… Sora… yaoi? What is that?"

Curiosity peaked, he clicked the link, the tick of the mouse echoing ominously throughout the room. His eyes bulged in disbelief as the site finished downloading.

"Oh, my God! What the fuck is Sora… Wait! That's me! What the hell!"

The hapless teenager had inadvertently wandered into one of the infinite sites dedicated to praising the romantic relationship between him and his best friend Sora. Fate, however, had been kind enough not to take him to one with carnal images.

"Oh, my God! These freaks think I'm gay! For Sora! Oh, my God! Crap!" he exclaimed as he realized his horrified grip on his hair had been too much. A small chunk of his torn hair writhed in agony between his fingers. "My hair…"

"How could this have happened? I haven't seen Sora since Traverse Town… I haven't even sent him a letter or anything! Where did these pictures come from? I have _never_ kissed Sora in my life! What is that? Oh, my God! Is that tongue! I think I'm going to be sick…"

He rushed to his attached bathroom and gripped the sides of the sink with shocked repulsion. His head bent over the sink slightly as he tried to get a grip on himself. So somebody out there thought he was gay. So what? He didn't need their opinion to live life how he wanted. Hell, no! Let them think what they want about him. And Sora? Sora was such an airhead that he probably wouldn't know what this meant even if he Riku went and smacked him one on the lips now.

Thus decided, Riku returned to his computer with more grace than when he had left it. He chose to look down upon the site with smug pity. He nearly fell out of the chair laughing at the sight of an image of himself with Sora's keyblade against his neck as Sora licked his cheek with possessive dominance. As if Sora could ever match him in combat! Catch him in such a position! Ha! And then, to top it all off, Sora would act superior like that? Right… That'll happen. _Sora_ becoming part of _Bob_ would happen far sooner than _this_ ever would!

Still chuckling, he scrolled down to the latest image in the gallery. Riku was standing over a sort of smooth table that had Sora's face rippled across it; the older teen's head was bent over the surface, white hair hiding his face.

"Hey! That looks like… wasn't I… Oh, my God! That's me not five minutes ago! Someone's taking pictures of me from my own room! One of these fucking freaks is stalking me!" His oceanic eyes were larger even than the eyes of Tohru Honda when she's surprised. His eyes shrank immediately as a suspicious thought crossed his mind. The stalker could be in the room at this very moment. Waiting… Watching… Camera at the ready.

"I wonder if I could get copies of these pictures," Riku said rather loudly, baiting the mysterious stalker. Hopefully, this non sequitur would ease the stalker and throw him off the scent. Just one noise. That was all Riku needed. One sound.

He moved his hands sporadically about his desk, knocking a pen onto the floor. He rose from his chair, eyes focused on the fallen pen, attention focused on the slightest sign of the culprit. He crouched down and picked up the object when he heard an almost inaudible click of a shutter.

"Ah ha!" he exclaimed proudly, leaping to his feet and hurling his pen like a throwing knife in the direction of the sound, all in one smooth, rapid motion. He turned to the sight of a strange man standing upside-down on the ceiling.

The strange man caught the pen deftly with one hand, the other occupied with holding the camera. The man returned Riku's look with his one good eye, seeing as how the other was covered with an eye patch, and smirked. Before the teen could say a word, the man disappeared into a black portal unlike any he had seen before.

"Damn it! Who was that freak! How did he get in here?" Riku grumbled, returning to his chair. "I better tell Maleficent later…"

Having looked at all the fanciful pictures of him and Sora, Riku looked to the other features on the site. It obviously specialized in these… yaoi galleries. The others were of Axel and Demyx, Zexion and Demyx, Axel and Marluxia, Saïx and Xaldin, and Goofy and Donald.

"Wait a minute! Did that just say Goofy and Donald? Aren't they a duck and… some kind of dog? Bestiality! Damn, that's disgusting!" Even morbid curiosity couldn't bring him to click on _that_ link.

On the homepage, flashy letters announced that a hopeful new addition was coming soon, pairing Sora up with Sephiroth.

"Oh, my God! _Sephiroth_ and _Sora_! That's just… that's just… that's so _wrong_ I can't even describe how wrong it is! Oh, my God! Sora! And Sephiroth! Why am I getting so upset about this? It's not like it's real or anything… and even if it were… I wouldn't be upset about it. I don't care. I don't care who this freak pairs Sora up with… It's all the product of a twisted, sick imagination anyway…" he reasoned, trying to recover his nonchalant cool. Determined not to care, he scrolled down past this notice, overlooking the message board that had sprouted from this announcement. "Who's taking credit for this nightmare? There must be somebody… Ah ha!"

Apparently, the maker was quite proud of this site for the name was displayed rather largely in calligraphy. This site was copyrighted by Mansex. Mansex? Though obviously fitting for a yaoi site operator, what kind of a name was that?

Riku nearly leaped out of his skin at the sound of a chime, proclaiming that Ansem had finally noticed that Riku was online and that he wished to communicate.

"So how did your shopping excursion with Sephiroth turn out?" his message read.

"What, Sephiroth hasn't already told you yet?" he typed back despite himself.

"Well… Sephiroth doesn't like talking to me much… He seems to think I'm some kind of disgrace to the reputation of evil villains everywhere… and he thinks I'm trying to copy his look… Go figure."

"Sounds right to me."

"Whatever… what are you up to right now? Are you planning on confronting Sora sometime soon?"

"Ansem, that's none-" Riku stopped his sentence as slow realization dawned on him. Ansem. Mansex. Ansem. Mansex. A-N-S-E-M. If he were to rearrange those letters and add an X, his name would spell Mansex. Ansem was the perverted freak! That guy with the eye patch must be one of his new lackeys! He backspaced his previous letters and typed in, "Ansem, you sick bastard! You're the one that made that site!"

"What the hell are you talking about? What site?"

"As if you don't know! I know you're Mansex!"

Several minutes passed before Ansem replied with, "What?"

"You're using that guy with the eye patch to snap pictures of me!"

"Guy with… Riku, did you fall down in the shower again?"

"No, I didn't!" he furiously pecked back. "Why? Are you saying you aren't Mansex?"

"Riku, are you sure you didn't fall down in the shower, run into that sliding glass door, or walk in on Maleficent undressing? Because those are the only logical reasons I can think of as to why you're being so weird. Unless you've just spent _too_ much time around Sephiroth and have finally gone off the deep end, too."

"I'm _not _insane." Without another word, Riku logged off and shut down the computer. Exasperated, he crossed his arms over the desk and let his head collapse into that pillow of flesh. From beneath those ivory locks, his ears twitched at the sinister click of a camera shutter.

"I swear I will kill you Mansex, whoever and wherever you are! Even if my legs are chopped off, my throat cut, and I have only a few seconds to live! I will drag my bloody stumps across the world itself and rip your heart out with my bare hands!" he proclaimed, leaping to his feet. He shook his fist at the ceiling for good measure, sealing his threat. But the creepy stalker had already left. "And if I do die, I swear, Mansex, your ass is haunted."

* * *

A.N.: I just couldn't help myself… _everyone_ who ever makes fun of Kingdom Hearts eventually gets around to the yaoi jokes. Well, I've been reading other people's fanfics and fancomics when I happened upon those Organization XIII cracks. I had never realized that Xemnas's name rearranged spelled Mansex. Yeah, I'm slow… cut me some slack. Anyway, a man whose nickname is Mansex would be exactly the kind of person that would create one of those yaoi sites. Well, it all made sense in my head anyway… Yeah, umm… Ansem had to be LordofDarkness002 because someone else got to that screenname first, but I won't reveal who. You'd probably figure it out on your own anyway. Oh, Sara Teasdale is actually an American poet, in case you wanted to know. Oh, before I forget, let's get a big round of applause for Xigbar's appearance! He's just doing Xemnas's dirty work so as to stay out of the yaoi site… or maybe he enjoys stalking… who knows? 

Anyway, I was wondering if I should do another kind of… whatever chapter like these last four but with the introduction of Zexion and Namine… or if I should just return to the original storyline and write about Sora and Riku meeting in Monstro… that is the next part they meet, right? Please contact me if my memory fails me… or contact me if you have a comment… or have nothing better to do… in fact, if you have nothing better to do, could you please review! I haven't had a review yet that isn't from one of my friends from the outside world… I would greatly appreciate it!


	13. The Downfall of Technology

**The Downfall of Technology**

"Ha! I knew I recognized you two!" Riku exclaimed triumphantly, swiveling his chair to one side so as not to block the view of his computer monitor. On screen was the horrid yaoi site the disenchanted teen had stumbled upon earlier. The site proudly displayed previews of its three most prominent galleries: Riku and Sora, Axel and Demyx, and Zexion and Demyx.

"I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff, Riku," the red head snickered. Maleficent, in trying not to agitate her hot-tempered associate, had told Riku the two men with him now were his colleagues. The pale teen's mind may be clouded with misguided jealousy and hormonal angst, but he wasn't stupid. He could easily deduce that "colleagues" was obviously Maleficent code for "babysitters."

Feeling his cheeks heat unbidden at Axel's words, Riku gritted his teeth to control the angry snarl that threatened to escape him. He quickly dove for the screen, anxiously covering the entirely fantasized pictures of Sora and him with his hands. "Shut up."

"A brilliant comeback," the other man commented sarcastically. The eerie Zexion, despite how close in age he appeared to look, reminded Riku faintly of Sephiroth, though lacking a sword. Judging by the cold look in his one visible eye, Zexion probably didn't need a sword to inspire the same fear in Riku. The teen shivered, remembering. "If you fail to think of an adequate retort, 'shut up' is more than satisfactory. Idiot."

"Well, thank you for that educational tidbit, Zexion," Riku huffed back. He gestured to the screen and its remaining pictures with a shake of his head. "Just what do you have to say about these?"

"Let dreamers dream," the silver-haired man said, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Just why do you care so much, Riku?" Axel asked, a smug grin wiped across his face. "You don't actually give a damn about what some wack-job thinks, do you? Or is it a little closer to home? Hm? Has this opened your eyes? Have you found out you've been in the closet all along and hadn't realized it until now?"

"That actually sounded reasonably intelligent, Axel," Zexion chuckled darkly. "I'm impressed. I hadn't thought your cognitive abilities had developed to such an extent."

"Aw, bag it, mutt. The Superior didn't say anything about having to take crap from you, so don't tempt me to do something I might enjoy a bit too much."

"Sadist."

"Ha," his companion laughed without humor. "You wish."

"No, Axel. You do."

The look in Zexion's eye drove a disagreeable shiver down Axel's spine, which he promptly cursed himself for. However, it wasn't wholly unjustified. Zexion's abilities were largely unknown, at least to him. For all Axel knew, the mysterious man could read minds or manipulate thoughts or something. The guy could probably brainwash him into some unpleasant situations. At that thought, Zexion conveniently smirked at the now confused Flurry of the Dancing Flames, his silver gaze predatory.

"Just look at all the sexual tension in the air," Riku remarked snidely. Immediately, he regretted his words.

"Don't give him any ideas!" Axel roared and what Riku could only assume were weapons appeared in his hands. Without further ado, the circular weapons were lit ablaze and hurled squarely at the offending teen.

Fortunately, Riku was able to dodge out of harm's way. Unfortunately, Axel's weapons embedded themselves deeply into Riku's computer, causing frizzing crackles of electricity to trickle across them.

"Look what you did, you dumbass!" the thoughtless teen cried, nearly tearing his hair out at the sight of the damage.

"Care to repeat that?" Axel threatened, his voice a low growl. "I couldn't quite memorize that the first time around." Flames blazed ominously behind him.

"Axel," Zexion called from the doorway of the adjoining bathroom.

"What?!" he snapped.

"You might want to put out that fire."

"What?"

The abrupt trill of a bell was all the warning they had before the emergency fire sprinklers went off. Within seconds, both Riku and Axel were thoroughly soaked. Axel's formerly proud, spiky hair now clung to his body wetly. Zexion, on the other hand, watched the pair from the dry confines of the bathroom with slight amusement apparent on his face.

"I told you."

"Ah, shut up, mutt."

"Look what you did!" Riku shouted hotly, indicating the pathetic pile of brutalized technology. "My computer!"

"Disappointed you can't visit that yaoi site anymore, huh, Riku?" Axel joked softly as the sprinklers finally stopped their onslaught.

"Don't start that again!"

"Axel, we still have at least a day of baby-sitting Riku left," Zexion interjected calmly, ignoring said object's increased fury. "Let's try not to make this more troublesome than it has to be."

"I don't need to be baby-sat," Riku pouted, leaning against a nearby wall and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Hey, Riku," Axel said cheerfully as he dried his clothing and body with his fire ability, "you up to a fun game."

"Depends. What kind of game did you have in mind?"

"Well, try to contain your excitement," Zexion commented sarcastically. "I doubt Axel can handle so much enthusiasm all at one time."

"Ha ha," Riku muttered dryly. "Alright, Axel. What game?"

"The best one," Axel replied, a wide smile creeping across his face.

"The one that involves a certain keyblade wielder-friend of yours," Zexion added.

"I love that game."

* * *

A.N.: After having gone so horribly long without updating, I was determined to write another chapter before school starts again. This one may not have been one of my best works, but it'll lead directly into the next chapter with Riku and Sora in Monstro. I had meant to do that here, but… Oh, well… Anyway, I decided to go with Axel rather than Naminé because it just seemed to fit better… I hope I was in character enough to satisfy other Axel fans out there. I really, really wish I owned Axel… Sigh. Also, in case you didn't get it, Axel keeps calling Zexion "mutt" because of Zexion's recognition of a person's scent… Can smell like a dog…Anyway, that last sentence was asking to be written, but I couldn't decide who would say it. By grammatical standards, it should be Axel, but you can just take your pick: Axel or Riku? I suppose it could fit either, what with Axel's playful mood and Riku's impending evilness. However, I must warn any hopefuls out there that this story will not descend into one of those sappy soap dramas where Riku and Sora eventually realize their mutual love-love for each other. Depart now if you are truly disappointed at the lack. On the other hand, I feel quite free to poke fun at and/or hint at things as long as it either is funny or fits. Thanks to all who have reached this point or have returned! Bob will make cookies for all of you as soon as it fixes the oven… Axel got a hold of the poor appliance.


End file.
